I've been struggling with balancing all the requirements of life, well forever, but in the past couple years or so it's felt more intense. I have hundreds of ideas for creative endeavors: writing, visual art, furniture refurbs, businesses, sewing, activism, etc, etc. Thing is, once I get home from seven or so hours of wrangling children with Special Needs, I am BEAT. It's the best job I've had in my 34 years of life, but it takes so much out of me that when I'm finally on my own time I can't seem to do anything but sit and wind down with Netflix.
I love my job more than I'm capable of expressing, and I'm extremely good at it. If all I had to do to make ends meet was work that job, I think I could figure out a way to balance things. Unfortunately, because I chose to get a Bachelor's Degree, had some illnesses and surgeries some years ago with the bills to match, and must pay all the other necessities of being alive in 2018 America, I technically work four jobs.
Teaching is my full-time, five day a week job, but often when I leave there I go to one of two former student's home to take care of them, or to a group home I've been working in for six years to take care of the clients there. In addition, I sew scrunchies out of scrap fabrics which I sell at local shops, I dog sit, I collect improve and sell antique and vintage items online and in local stores, I make art which I occasionally sell, and I try to maintain a comfortable and organized home at the same time.
I also try to keep up with all of the lovely friends and acquaintances I have made throughout my life, but that's not always something I can do. I simply don't have the time or the energy which is both upsetting and very sad since my relationships are what I value most in life.
I would also like to read more books, make more art, take more hikes, hunt for more rocks, walk my dog more, sit and chat with my partner, cook healthy and delicious food each evening, keep up with repairs to my car, go on trips, travel the country and world, brush up on my ASL, learn more about all that I'm interested in, be more active with social justice, and spend more time with my family.
When will I be able to do all of this? It doesn't seem like too much to ask and seems fairly reasonable to me. Really, what I'm yearning for is the time and means to explore myself and the world with those I love. Isn't that why we're here? In my opinion, yes. However, at some point in human history, someone recognized that they could do less and have more if they exploited other human beings, that caught on, evolved, and now we are completely and utterly enslaved by money and by those who believe they are entitled to and must hoard all of it that they can get their hands on.
It's abhorrent to me, and to many others, yet it continues because those of us who recognize what's happening have literally no power to change it. I protested and rallied in the streets in my late teens and twenties, but at this juncture it feels pointless. There are absolutely successes here and there that started with a rally or protest, but I'm quite sure they were before my time. Now that I'm older and can clearly see how entrenched all of the corrupt systems in this country and the world are, the more pointless all that energy appears to be. Not one of the millionaires or billionaires really actually care about our well worded signs and en masse chanting, and if they do will certainly not suddenly decide to share their totally unnecessary masses of wealth to heal the world or disrupt the status quo.
I say that because even people I interact with day to day or see posting things online, don't seem to understand and/or don't seem to care that we are living beneath massive structures of corrupted and broken systems whose weight we will eventually crumble beneath. So many of us just keep doing what we believe we are supposed to do and trust that the systems we grew up with will continue to function and serve us as they were created to do. But, they weren't created to serve us. Period. They were created to make money for those who oversee and own these systems and to keep us in debt and blinded to what could be possible if they were gotten rid of or reformed. I think Noam Chomsky explains it much more clearly:
"Students who acquire large debts putting themselves through school are unlikely to think about changing society. When you trap people in a system of debt, they can't afford the time to think. Tuition fee increases are a 'disciplinary technique,' and, by the time students graduate, they are not only loaded with debt, but have also internalized the 'disciplinarian culture.' This makes them efficient components of the consumer economy."
And that is all we are; "...efficient components of the consumer economy." This applies to medical debt, credit card debt, student debt, etc.
MONEY IS A CONSTRUCT CREATED TO KEEP US DOCILE AND SIDETRACKED,
and debt is the most powerful weapon within this construct.
and debt is the most powerful weapon within this construct.
We stay docile and focused on making money, because we believe what we've been told and what has been indoctrinated into our minds for our entire lives. We believe that we all can and must pull ourselves up by the bootstraps and if we work hard enough, we will make it. The truth is, we all can't make it. Literally. Infinite growth is impossible and we all can't live like or be millionaires, or even hundreds of thousandaires. Despite the idea being presented as possible for anyone who works hard enough for it in this land of opportunity; that just isn't how the system functions in reality. There are exceptions of course, but the vast majority of us will be working and barely getting by until we die. Which is absolutely the purpose of debt. If you are a person of color, things are even more difficult because of the rampant racism and active systematic oppression so many insist doesn't exist.
Unfortunately, this system also thrives on fear and ignorance so we are constantly being pulled away from one another. The idea that we are all so different is continually suggested both subtly and directly throughout society. We are constantly sidetracked by the micro in our lives that we often forget about the macro. There is always something in our peripherals waving a bright flag to point out the hypocrisy in an old song, to yell about patriotism, to insist evolution is nonsense, to whine about the behavior of others, to tell us everything will be fine if we keep buying things, to condone deplorable actions, to remind us of the fancy house/boat/car/clothes we could have if we just keep our heads down and continue working, that so many of us are totally unable to see what is really happening. How can we get together, have a thoughtful discourse, and force change when we are all struggling simply to live?
Unfortunately, this system also thrives on fear and ignorance so we are constantly being pulled away from one another. The idea that we are all so different is continually suggested both subtly and directly throughout society. We are constantly sidetracked by the micro in our lives that we often forget about the macro. There is always something in our peripherals waving a bright flag to point out the hypocrisy in an old song, to yell about patriotism, to insist evolution is nonsense, to whine about the behavior of others, to tell us everything will be fine if we keep buying things, to condone deplorable actions, to remind us of the fancy house/boat/car/clothes we could have if we just keep our heads down and continue working, that so many of us are totally unable to see what is really happening. How can we get together, have a thoughtful discourse, and force change when we are all struggling simply to live?
We are required by law to let insurance companies take our money every month, just in case we get sick or hurt. Then when we do they have the power to deny payment for our treatments even though, if we've been paying them for a year, they already have AT LEAST twelve hundred of our dollars for doing literally nothing. In addition, if your policy is bad, as most are since the decent policies are too expensive to afford, insurance will only pay a portion of your medical bill and you are left to figure out the rest. When we consider that money is a human construct, does it really make sense that a human being must have it to be kept alive and hold value as an individual?
In addition, you must have somewhere to live if you are to be a component of a consumer economy (aka a "functioning member of society"), so you must also pay money to do so. Unable to work? Too much debt to be accepted on a basic rental lease or to make mortgage payments? Too bad. You must figure it out or live on the street because money, A HUMAN CONSTRUCT, determines how deserving you are of a roof over your head and whether or not that roof leaks.
