I came home from a long day, tried to nap, couldn't, then
perused Netflix for something mediocre to fall asleep to on my couch. Since I've been on a stand
up kick the past week or two, I looked at those and realized I'd already seen pretty much everything (within reason) but Kathy Griffin. I thought, she can't be all bad, 'cause she loves the gays, I like her weird scratchy voice, and I have a vague memory of something she said making me laugh...sometime...in the past.
In short, I don't hate the woman, so I
started watching it and actually ended up mostly listening to the whole
thing. (It was only 45 minutes long.) I didn't laugh much and
she's kind of a tool and totally places importance on the wrong things
in life, but it was interesting. (I like to look at things from an
anthropological perspective and kind of just be awed rather than disgusted. As a recent professor at the University said,"I allow myself to enjoy things like that even though I morally disagree with some of their content and messages. Life is much more joyful that way.")
I watched that, passed out for half an hour, went to school till
nine, and came home still tired. While lazing, I sat on the
porch smoking a cigarette* and flipped through a Time
magazine sitting there. The full articles are disappointing so I read only the little four or five sentence sections with their tiny pictures. Those seem to be the only parts that are factual and not some biased fear-mongering or celebrity gossip shit.
There was a tiny editorial one from a woman commenting on how (a full month after South Sudan had become a country) she had Google, Yahoo, and Bing map searched for it online; none of them could locate it-- as if it still didn't exist.
Now here's where Kathy Griffin ties into this
and why I confessed listening to her stand up in the first place. She
was talking about being at the Emmy's and how she wore this dress which had
been designed specifically for her, how much she loved it, etc-- and
literally by the time she got home from the show, (still wearing
the dress) she went online and saw her picture from that night and a comment about her being one of the worst dressed celebrities.
So what the world wide web is telling us, is that what Kathy Griffin
wore to the Emmy's is more important to the entire internet than
the incredible struggle of millions of people that led to
triumphant freedom. Jesus. Think on that a minute and then consider that another three by one inch section of the magazine was
about all the cuts made to public education funding and the horrific
things schools have been forced to do just to teach kids the basics.
Parts of SD have switched to a four day school
week, Maryland is cutting back on buses, Wisconsin is considering working with less custodians, and one place in FL was allotted no
money at all for school supplies. I mean holy shit! A B-list celebrity's
clothing choice takes precedence over an entire country's liberation and
US schools don't even have enough money to be open five days a week or to pay people to clean them and transport kids to and from home?
I guess what was once just a given is now unimportant. But then maybe
that's all part of the master plan? Dumb down, sidetrack, and blind
everyone with reality TV, celebrity gossip, and right wing talking heads
then slowly take away education, reasonably priced healthcare, and piece of mind, and you've got an entire population of
wage slaves busting ass for the newest technological pop culture device
to scan their brain waves and send them to their friend's iPod 22.3 'cause
things are so "advanced" that you don't even have to use your
fingers anymore.
Alright that's an exaggeration, but we're headed that direction. And speaking of Emmy's, were you aware that Barack Obama (the president of the United States of America), won one for a spoken word album in 2008? That seemed so odd to me that I looked it up, and Bill Clinton has won like four. I guess that is expected in a country where entertainment and politics are one in the same. Wrestlers, actors, whatever-- it's unnerving. Condoleeza Rice was in 30 Rock, Al Gore frequently does cameos, as does John McCain, and Arnold Schwarzenegger was a governor! Politicians and people actually holding some sort of office make shitty little cameos in so many shows and movies. It's frequently hilarious, but also humanizes them when the majority aren't human at all but are actually corporate controlled drones with their minds on their money and their money on their minds. (Probably without the pocket full of rubbers and bitches gettin' it on, but certainly sipping on gin and juice and totally laid back.)
Allowing for the line between pop culture celebrity and politics to become as nebulous as it has is a mistake. It's made the prescribed dumb down even more slippery and innocuous to those who choose not to acknowledge its effects.
Speaking of the dumb down, what is it about human beings that makes us flock to sensationalism like moths to a streetlight? Cheap drama; mean people, stupid people, and the current trend-- southern people. Ooh, look at her, she's so fat because no one ever taught her how to eat right and she's always been poor so she buys what's affordable-- garbage food. We wouldn't even know what she's saying if it weren't for the subtitles! Boy, people down south are duuu-uumb! Those guys are making death booze in the forest and wrestling with reptiles in the mud, holy shit! They don't have any teeth! That guy just said "daggum," for real! Look how stupid a huge population of our country is!
And then there's Larry the Cable guy selling you heartburn medication so you don't have to suffer after you mainline 30 buffalo wings, and Jamie Lee Curtis bragging about her regularity while pushing yoghurt, and other commercials with people telling us we need things we don't need, we don't look how we should, and promoting gender and sexuality stereotypes and roles which should be considered archaic at this point.
Bringing it in-- our priorities as a country are all screwed up, and there's a reason for it. Technology; a blessing and a curse.
*Wrote some of this a couple years ago and thought I'd leave that in,
but I do not smoke anymore and you shouldn't either! Trust someone
who's experienced it, you don't ever want to be on a ventilator.
Sunday, November 10, 2013
Friday, September 13, 2013
Capitalism as VooDoo; Corporate America's Zombie Making
**Actually from a class I took whose topic was zombies in America.**
Capitalism allows the control of corporations around the world, most specifically within the United States, to create a population of wage slaves who not only enable those corporations to grow larger and control more, but also contribute to the collective decline in national and world wide quality of life and individual freedom. These corporations' emphasis on the importance of material wealth leads to people exalting not only possessions, but the money that allows them purchasing power. With people thinking primarily of what they can buy, worrying about debt due to credit cards education or medical bills, and fretting over holding onto the jobs which allow them to keep health insurance, they stagger through life occasionally groaning to one another about the price of gas, the currently most tweeted pop superstar, a recent professional sports game, or which state of the art newly released technological gizmo they're saving their money to purchase. Blinded by the above, the majority of the country's (and the world's) citizens don't realize they are enslaved. They aren't aware that by upgrading their phones bimonthly, spending hours watching television, accepting what major news sources tell them, and idolizing reality TV stars, they are allowing personal freedoms and, quite frequently, genuine happiness to pass them up. By dutifully working nine to five jobs, and by thoughtlessly paying their taxes, they are contributing to their own zombification. Though they may be aware that the money they pay for health care and the debt they accrue via credit cards and loans also serve to keep them subservient and that a subservient population is exactly what the monopolizing companies and government want, they the majority do little to nothing-- because they're scared. They're scared that uniting and revolting against a corrupt system will lose them the jobs that allow them to send those minimum payments, thus losing their coveted health insurance, and in the end forcing them to succumb to the crushing debt seventy percent of Americans face (U.S. News). In a 2007 interview with film maker Michael Moore, Tony Benn, a former member of British Parliament said, "…there are two ways in which people are controlled; first of all frighten people and secondly demoralize them. An educated, healthy, and confident nation is harder to govern (Sicko)." For fear of accruing debt, most Americans are uneducated, for lack of health insurance they are unhealthy, and because of their government's war mongering they are not confident. A population paralyzed by fear and lacking affordable education, health care, and confidence are demoralized and controlled-- nothing but zombies, shuffling through each day lifeless and wanting.
Many examples of the the melding of corporations and government can be found with little or no effort, but for brevity's sake the following paper will address only a few. It will also discuss literary works and films which approach those government abuses by utilizing the figure of the zombie and allowing Americans to see themselves reflected in the faces of the undead-- the virus causing their infection being Capitalism itself.
One of the major corporations whose finances have been and most probably still are tangled up with government officials is Halliburton, one of the world's largest oilfield services companies. In 1992 when the Pentagon paid the Halliburton subsidiary Brown & Root nine million dollars to create a report (which was classified) describing how privately owned companies (such as Halliburton itself) could minister "logistical support" for US soldiers in zones where wars were deemed possible throughout the world, Dick Cheney was the Secretary of Defense (the person in charge of allotting these funds) (GAO Report). Not long after this report, Brown & Root were given a five-year contract by the Pentagon to provide logistics for the Army Corps of Engineers. Via this contract Halliburton made approximately two point two billion dollars (GAO Report). This was just the beginning however, because following his service as Secretary of Defense, Dick Cheney then went on to become CEO of Halliburton and held that position from 1996 to 1998, and from February to August in the year 2000-- rather suspiciously, less than a year before the start of a war which has lasted over eleven years. Also, from 2001 to, at the very least, 2005 Cheney was being paid a deferred salary from Halliburton in the range of hundreds of thousands of dollars (Turnipseed). Halliburton and its subsidiaries provided meals to troops in Iraq and Afghanistan as well as delivered fuel to bases in both countries-- grossly overcharging for both. It was revealed that Cheney was reaping huge benefits from Halliburton's involvement in the war and in 2002 it was also revealed that Halliburton was overcharging for their services and partaking in tax fraud (Newsweek). Yet, this crooked, major corporation is still allowed to gain huge profits from a war which was both designed to be and seems to be never-ending against a foe who is named only as "terror."
Similarly, major credit card corporations influence government officials in equally as insultingly obvious ways. In 2001 and 2002 Providian Financial, a large credit card company, was caught defrauding its card holders (Koudsi 143-7). Providian would hold payment checks from customers until after the payment due dates which would cause their accounts to accrue a late fee and if the account was put over limit by that late fee, an additional over limit fee. Once these fees had been added to the account, frequently the interest rate would skyrocket as well and finance charges would increase burying in debt any card holder who was not closely examining their invoice each month (Maxed Out). (Note that Providian's holding of the checks being the only illegal aspect here. The rest of the actions taken are standard to most credit card companies.) Two years after their being caught in illegal activities, then president George W. Bush, decided to appoint someone to police corporate criminals. The person he chose was Larry Thompson, a directer of Providian Financial. The connections unfortunately don't stop there. One of Bush's top campaign contributors was MBNA, a bank holding company, which was at that time the country's second largest credit card issuer. In fact, in 2005, Bush endorsed the Bankruptcy Bill, which made it much more difficult for the average American to bounce back from bankruptcy-- this bill was written by MBNA (Consumer Affairs). These are all facts available to the public, but yet again, these corporations are still allowed to openly dispense massive sums of money to politicians and unfairly add charges to customer credit accounts.
The health care industry in America is another contributor to the creation and upkeep of the American zombie public. One in four Americans don't have health insurance, and approximately eighteen thousand die per year because they don't (Morgan). Even people who do have health insurance do not always get the care they need because the corporations they pay to insure them frequently refuse to cover necessary treatments. The power of the Managed Health Care System isn't imagined, nor are its origins difficult to trace. There are four times as many health care lobbyists than there are members of congress and in 2003 George W. Bush passed something called the Medicare Prescription Drug Improvement and Modernization Act which allowed drug companies to charge whatever they pleased and for insurance companies to be the middle man between patients and medications (H.R. 1 (108th)). Remarkably, fourteen congressional aids who worked on the Medicare Act quit after it was passed and began working for health insurance or pharmaceutical companies. One congressman, Billy Tauzin, resigned from congress and became CEO of the lobbyist group Pharmaceutical Research and Manufacturers of America making over two million dollars a year (Sicko). Of course in the past politicians with good intentions have suggested universal healthcare and each time were immediately labeled Socialists trying to make the US a Socialist country. Those whose interests laid in keeping health care privatized induced the fear of Socialism-- compared it to Nazi Germany and the Soviet Union and told Americans they would have no freedom if they allowed the government to control their health care. (Never mentioning of course that they already do.) Paralyzed by fear, the population trusted those in power and the corrupt politicians rid themselves of the threat of universal healthcare. Somehow, these enormous corporations and the politicians they've purchased are still running rampant in 2012, while the citizens they swindle continue to elect and to pay them.
Having ties to members of government is one way for corporations to heavily influence occurrences and make obscene amounts of money in and out of the country. Another way to gain and keep control is by becoming so enormous that governments are either unable or unwilling to put the corporation in check. Exxon Mobile, while also being closely connected to politicians (namely the Bush family), falls into this category as well. According to Forbes Magazine Exxon is the largest and most profitable public corporation in the world as of April 2012 (Forbes). It funds several right wing/conservative think tanks such as the Heartland Institute, which openly decrees that global warming is not taking place and that if it were it would be a positive development for the planet. Exxon also funds (with millions of dollars) the conservative Heritage Foundation and American Legislative Exchange Council, as well as the libertarian Cato Institute, all three being think tanks which lobby for oil companies and against federal policy restrictions on their business practices (Corporatewatch). Exxon has its metaphoric hands in Australia, Europe, Peru, Ecuador, Russia, the US, Nigeria, Chad, Indonesia, and Colombia (just to name a few) and has displaced indigenous peoples, caused massive environmental catastrophes, destroyed previously nearly pristine wildernesses, and discharged toxic waste into the sea-- all of this going virtually unchecked by the United States government or the majority of its citizens.
These zombie forming groups don't always go unrecognized however. There are artists of all sorts who see the corruption just below the surface and use zombie fiction to display modern society's faults clearly. As a symbol of superficial human attributes, George Romero used zombies to make a statement with Dawn of the Dead which suggested that mall goers were already zombies and with the entire Dead series that indifference, materialism, sexism, and racism are far more dangerous and abhorrent than undead monsters who want to eat your flesh. Main character Peter (Ken Foree) says in Dawn when asked what the zombies are,"They're us that's all, there's no more room in hell." Shaun of the Dead does similar work while also depicting everyday life and the people around us as so like zombies that were they to actually become undead monsters, it may take us some time to even notice. Another film, 28 Days Later, while also taking pains to exhibit the danger of human nature over that of zombies, includes one particularly interesting shot when the two main characters are trying to reach flashing lights on an apartment complex. When they approach, the hall leading to the stairs is filled with shopping carts which act as a barricade. The two main characters climb over it, but a man who is being chased and runs up after them isn't quite as lucky. This can easily be interpreted as a statement about consumerist culture as a barricade from awareness and ultimately security. Fido, yet another zombie film, comments on the concept of security as well. In this movie's society, zombies have been domesticated and made into status symbols by a corporation which controls every aspect of the small town it's set in. Basically, "Zomcon" has used the zombie threat as a way to control a population-- telling its people that without its help they would cease to exist, instilling fear to gain control. This is strikingly similar to the US government and large corporations' holds on American citizens. Author Colson Whitehead with his novel Zone One, set a significant amount of time post zombie apocalypse, makes several references to pre apocalypse humans as zombies while also showing his readers that too much trust in government will get you killed. He creates types of zombies called "stragglers" who are reminiscent of Romero's mall walking zombies. Stragglers linger in familiar settings, the bulk of them mindlessly haunting former work places much as they did when alive (52). The main character, Mike Spitz, even compares interpersonal relationships to zombie-like actions saying,"We never see other people anyway, only the monsters we make of them (214)." Among these comments on human thoughts and actions, Whitehead also speaks to American society as a whole. In a conversation about why the zombie apocalypse happened in the first place, a character called the Lieutenant states,"It picks us out of our robotic routine, what they called my dad before they pulled the plug: persistent vegetative state. Comeuppance for a flatlined culture (217)." World War Z is of course another literary work which addresses the state of human society. In this piece however, eventually human beings survive, but only because they unite for a common good. Brooks seems to be asking though, if humans are really worth all the devastation they cause everywhere they exist. He visits the thought that humanity is the flesh eating monster and challenges readers to prove otherwise.
Though most entertainment media sources depict zombies as the foul, rotting undead impossibly walking around and reeking havoc on society; credit card companies, big pharma, Halliburton, and Exxon (just to name a few) are well aware that this is not the case. They know, that with their business practices, with mind numbing reality TV, with innumerable forms of technology making real human contact unnecessary, and with advertising literally everywhere a person exists, they produce automatons-- people who don't think for themselves but are vulnerable to sneaky suggestion. In our capitalist society where free enterprise is taken advantage of to the highest extreme they, with the help of the government, create a form of zombie out of living human beings. The American government (as well as world government) has been purchased by corporations. People who hold, have held, or will hold government offices have and are receiving money from and funding wars around the world, accepting bribes from multi million dollar Health Maintenance Organizations (HMOs), allowing major credit card companies to influence public policy making, and telling the news broadcasters what to tell us to keep us frightened yet docile. Direct results of this deplorable behavior are huge populations of people believing that the whole of the September eleventh attacks were perpetrated by foreign "terrorists", accepting the "official" report stating that the solid steel reinforced Twin Towers "collapsed due to fire", not questioning the fact that thousands of low income and African American voters were disenfranchised during the 2000 presidential elections, allowing their government to spend their tax money on professional sports stadiums rather than on keeping Post Offices open or on funding Public Schools, and consuming the over processed poison grocery store stocks labeled as food. Surely live, conscious human beings couldn't witness the desperation evident throughout society without knowing something is dreadfully awry. Surely a man being trampled and killed in a swarm of black Friday, Wal-Mart, shopping-hysterical, robots would be a mighty clear indication that our society is fundamentally ill. But they aren't conscious, and although buried somewhere deep they're probably aware things are bad, they don't notice all that much because… they're zombies. Hypnotized by technology, poisoned by greed, killed with the illusion of choice, buried in debt, and reanimated as the average American consumer existing in a cultureless society built to crumble.
Capitalism is not a totalitarian or tyrannical form of domination. It primarily spreads its effects through indifference (that can be compared to the zombie’s essential lack of protagonism). It is not what capital does, but what it doesn’t do or have: it does not have a concept of society; it does not counteract the depletion of nature; it has no concept of citizenship or culture; and so on. Thus it is a slave morality that makes us cling to capital as though it were our salvation—capitalism is, in fact, what we bring to it.
-Zombies of Immaterial Labor: The Modern Monster and the Death of Death
Lars Bang Larson
Works Cited
28 Days Later. Dir. Danny Boyle. Perf. Cillian Murphy, Naomie Harris, Chris Eccleston. 20th Century Fox, 2002. DVD.
American Journal of Public Health. "Health insurance and mortality in US adults."
2009 Dec;99(12):2289-95. Epub 2009 Sep 17.
Bang Larson, Lars. "Zombies of Immaterial Labor: The Modern Monster and the Death of Death." E-flux. E-flux, Apr. 2010. Web. 12 June 2012. <http://www.e-flux.com/journal/zombies-of-immaterial-labor-the-modern-monster-and-the-death-of-death/>.
CBS News. "Mission Accomplished," 5 Years Later." CBSNews. CBS Interactive, 11 Feb. 2009. Web. 14 June 2012.
<http:// www.cbsnews.com/2100-500257_162-4060963.html>.
The Center for Responsive Politics. "Top Contributors." To George W. Bush. The Center for Responsive Politics, n.d. Web. 13 June 2012. <http://www.opensecrets.org/pres04/contrib.php?cid=N00008072>.
Consumer Affairs. "Senate Passes MBNA's Bankruptcy Bill." Senate Passes MBNA's Bankruptcy Bill. Consumer Affairs, 11 Mar. 2005. Web. 13 June 2012. <http://www.consumeraffairs.com/news04/2005/bankruptcy_bill2.html>.
DeCarlo, Scott. "The World's Biggest Public Companies." Forbes. Forbes Magazine, 18 Apr. 2012. Web. 11 June 2012. <http:// www.forbes.com/global2000/>.
Corporatewatch. "Exxon Mobil & Esso UK." Exxon Mobil : Corporate Crimes. Corporatewatch.org, n.d. Web. 11 June 2012. <http:// www.corporatewatch.org/?lid=295>.
Dawn of the Dead. Dir. George Romero. By George Romero. Perf. David Emge, Ken Foree, Scott H. Reiniger. United Film Distribution Company (UFDC), 1978. DVD.
Day of the Dead. Dir. George Romero. By George Romero. Perf. Lori Cardille, Terry Alexander, Joseph Pilato. United Film Distribution Company (UFDC), 1985. DVD.
Fido. Dir. Andrew Currie. By Robert Chomiak, Andrew Currie, and Dennis Heaton. Perf. Kesun Loder, Billy Connolly, Carrie- Anne Moss. Lions Gate Films, 2006. DVD.
GAO Report, http://www.gao.gov/archive/2000/ns00225.pdf, September 2002
Greeenpeace. "ExxonSecrets Factsheet: Cato Institute." ExxonSecrets Factsheet: Cato Institute. Greenpeace, Apr. 2004. Web. 11 June 2012. <http://www.exxonsecrets.org/html/orgfactsheet.php?id=21>.
"H.R. 1 (108th): Medicare Prescription Drug, Improvement, and Modernization Act of 2003." Medicare Prescription Drug, Improvement, and Modernization Act of 2003 (2003; 108th Congress H.R. 1). N.p., 2003. Web. 13 June 2012. <http:// www.govtrack.us/congress/bills/108/hr1>.
Koudsi, Suzanne, "Sleazy Credit," Fortune, March 4, 2002, pp. 143-44, 146-47.
Maxed Out: Hard Times, Easy Credit and the Era of Predatory Lenders Poster SEE RANK Maxed Out: Hard Times, Easy Credit and the Era of Predatory Lenders. Dir. James D. Scurlock. Trueworks, 2006. DVD.
Morgan, David. "One in Four Americans without Health Coverage: Study." Reuters. Thomson Reuters, 19 Apr. 2012. Web. 13 June 2012. <http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/04/19/us-usa-healthcare-insurance-idUSBRE83I17420120419>.
Newsweek, Halliburton CEO Says Cheney Knew About Firm's Accounting Practices, July 15, 2002
Night of the Living Dead. Dir. George A. Romero. By George A. Romero, George A. Romero, and John Russo. Perf. Duane Jones, Judith O'Dea, Marilyn Eastman, and Karl Hardman. Continental Distributing, Inc., 1968. DVD.
Pratap Chatterjee, Dick Cheney: Soldier of Fortune, www.corpwatch.org, May 2, 2002
Shaun of the Dead. Dir. Edgar Wright. By Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright. Perf. Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Kate Ashfield. Universal Pictures, 2004. DVD.
Sicko. Dir. Michael Moore. Prod. Michael Moore and Meghan O'Hara. By Michael Moore. The Weinstein Company, 2007. DVD.
Stop the Exxon Mobile Alliance. "West By Northwest.org: Looking at Corporate Power: The Case Against ExxonMobil." West By Northwest.org: Looking at Corporate Power: The Case Against ExxonMobil. West By Northwest, 7 Sept. 2002. Web. 11 June 2012. <http://westbynorthwest.org/artman/publish/article_50.shtml>.
Turnipseed, Tom. "Dick Cheney: War Profiteer." Dick Cheney: War Profiteer. Common Dreams, 17 Nov. 2005. Web. 11 June 2012. <http://www.commondreams.org/views05/1117-22.htm>.
U.S. News Staff. "Poll: 70 Percent of American Consumers in Debt." US News. U.S.News & World Report, 21 July 2009. Web. 13 June 2012. <http://www.usnews.com/opinion/articles/2009/07/21/poll-70-percent-of-american-consumers-in-debt>.
Whitehead, Colson. Zone One: A Novel. New York: Doubleday, 2011. Print.
Capitalism allows the control of corporations around the world, most specifically within the United States, to create a population of wage slaves who not only enable those corporations to grow larger and control more, but also contribute to the collective decline in national and world wide quality of life and individual freedom. These corporations' emphasis on the importance of material wealth leads to people exalting not only possessions, but the money that allows them purchasing power. With people thinking primarily of what they can buy, worrying about debt due to credit cards education or medical bills, and fretting over holding onto the jobs which allow them to keep health insurance, they stagger through life occasionally groaning to one another about the price of gas, the currently most tweeted pop superstar, a recent professional sports game, or which state of the art newly released technological gizmo they're saving their money to purchase. Blinded by the above, the majority of the country's (and the world's) citizens don't realize they are enslaved. They aren't aware that by upgrading their phones bimonthly, spending hours watching television, accepting what major news sources tell them, and idolizing reality TV stars, they are allowing personal freedoms and, quite frequently, genuine happiness to pass them up. By dutifully working nine to five jobs, and by thoughtlessly paying their taxes, they are contributing to their own zombification. Though they may be aware that the money they pay for health care and the debt they accrue via credit cards and loans also serve to keep them subservient and that a subservient population is exactly what the monopolizing companies and government want, they the majority do little to nothing-- because they're scared. They're scared that uniting and revolting against a corrupt system will lose them the jobs that allow them to send those minimum payments, thus losing their coveted health insurance, and in the end forcing them to succumb to the crushing debt seventy percent of Americans face (U.S. News). In a 2007 interview with film maker Michael Moore, Tony Benn, a former member of British Parliament said, "…there are two ways in which people are controlled; first of all frighten people and secondly demoralize them. An educated, healthy, and confident nation is harder to govern (Sicko)." For fear of accruing debt, most Americans are uneducated, for lack of health insurance they are unhealthy, and because of their government's war mongering they are not confident. A population paralyzed by fear and lacking affordable education, health care, and confidence are demoralized and controlled-- nothing but zombies, shuffling through each day lifeless and wanting.
Many examples of the the melding of corporations and government can be found with little or no effort, but for brevity's sake the following paper will address only a few. It will also discuss literary works and films which approach those government abuses by utilizing the figure of the zombie and allowing Americans to see themselves reflected in the faces of the undead-- the virus causing their infection being Capitalism itself.
One of the major corporations whose finances have been and most probably still are tangled up with government officials is Halliburton, one of the world's largest oilfield services companies. In 1992 when the Pentagon paid the Halliburton subsidiary Brown & Root nine million dollars to create a report (which was classified) describing how privately owned companies (such as Halliburton itself) could minister "logistical support" for US soldiers in zones where wars were deemed possible throughout the world, Dick Cheney was the Secretary of Defense (the person in charge of allotting these funds) (GAO Report). Not long after this report, Brown & Root were given a five-year contract by the Pentagon to provide logistics for the Army Corps of Engineers. Via this contract Halliburton made approximately two point two billion dollars (GAO Report). This was just the beginning however, because following his service as Secretary of Defense, Dick Cheney then went on to become CEO of Halliburton and held that position from 1996 to 1998, and from February to August in the year 2000-- rather suspiciously, less than a year before the start of a war which has lasted over eleven years. Also, from 2001 to, at the very least, 2005 Cheney was being paid a deferred salary from Halliburton in the range of hundreds of thousands of dollars (Turnipseed). Halliburton and its subsidiaries provided meals to troops in Iraq and Afghanistan as well as delivered fuel to bases in both countries-- grossly overcharging for both. It was revealed that Cheney was reaping huge benefits from Halliburton's involvement in the war and in 2002 it was also revealed that Halliburton was overcharging for their services and partaking in tax fraud (Newsweek). Yet, this crooked, major corporation is still allowed to gain huge profits from a war which was both designed to be and seems to be never-ending against a foe who is named only as "terror."
Similarly, major credit card corporations influence government officials in equally as insultingly obvious ways. In 2001 and 2002 Providian Financial, a large credit card company, was caught defrauding its card holders (Koudsi 143-7). Providian would hold payment checks from customers until after the payment due dates which would cause their accounts to accrue a late fee and if the account was put over limit by that late fee, an additional over limit fee. Once these fees had been added to the account, frequently the interest rate would skyrocket as well and finance charges would increase burying in debt any card holder who was not closely examining their invoice each month (Maxed Out). (Note that Providian's holding of the checks being the only illegal aspect here. The rest of the actions taken are standard to most credit card companies.) Two years after their being caught in illegal activities, then president George W. Bush, decided to appoint someone to police corporate criminals. The person he chose was Larry Thompson, a directer of Providian Financial. The connections unfortunately don't stop there. One of Bush's top campaign contributors was MBNA, a bank holding company, which was at that time the country's second largest credit card issuer. In fact, in 2005, Bush endorsed the Bankruptcy Bill, which made it much more difficult for the average American to bounce back from bankruptcy-- this bill was written by MBNA (Consumer Affairs). These are all facts available to the public, but yet again, these corporations are still allowed to openly dispense massive sums of money to politicians and unfairly add charges to customer credit accounts.
The health care industry in America is another contributor to the creation and upkeep of the American zombie public. One in four Americans don't have health insurance, and approximately eighteen thousand die per year because they don't (Morgan). Even people who do have health insurance do not always get the care they need because the corporations they pay to insure them frequently refuse to cover necessary treatments. The power of the Managed Health Care System isn't imagined, nor are its origins difficult to trace. There are four times as many health care lobbyists than there are members of congress and in 2003 George W. Bush passed something called the Medicare Prescription Drug Improvement and Modernization Act which allowed drug companies to charge whatever they pleased and for insurance companies to be the middle man between patients and medications (H.R. 1 (108th)). Remarkably, fourteen congressional aids who worked on the Medicare Act quit after it was passed and began working for health insurance or pharmaceutical companies. One congressman, Billy Tauzin, resigned from congress and became CEO of the lobbyist group Pharmaceutical Research and Manufacturers of America making over two million dollars a year (Sicko). Of course in the past politicians with good intentions have suggested universal healthcare and each time were immediately labeled Socialists trying to make the US a Socialist country. Those whose interests laid in keeping health care privatized induced the fear of Socialism-- compared it to Nazi Germany and the Soviet Union and told Americans they would have no freedom if they allowed the government to control their health care. (Never mentioning of course that they already do.) Paralyzed by fear, the population trusted those in power and the corrupt politicians rid themselves of the threat of universal healthcare. Somehow, these enormous corporations and the politicians they've purchased are still running rampant in 2012, while the citizens they swindle continue to elect and to pay them.
Having ties to members of government is one way for corporations to heavily influence occurrences and make obscene amounts of money in and out of the country. Another way to gain and keep control is by becoming so enormous that governments are either unable or unwilling to put the corporation in check. Exxon Mobile, while also being closely connected to politicians (namely the Bush family), falls into this category as well. According to Forbes Magazine Exxon is the largest and most profitable public corporation in the world as of April 2012 (Forbes). It funds several right wing/conservative think tanks such as the Heartland Institute, which openly decrees that global warming is not taking place and that if it were it would be a positive development for the planet. Exxon also funds (with millions of dollars) the conservative Heritage Foundation and American Legislative Exchange Council, as well as the libertarian Cato Institute, all three being think tanks which lobby for oil companies and against federal policy restrictions on their business practices (Corporatewatch). Exxon has its metaphoric hands in Australia, Europe, Peru, Ecuador, Russia, the US, Nigeria, Chad, Indonesia, and Colombia (just to name a few) and has displaced indigenous peoples, caused massive environmental catastrophes, destroyed previously nearly pristine wildernesses, and discharged toxic waste into the sea-- all of this going virtually unchecked by the United States government or the majority of its citizens.
These zombie forming groups don't always go unrecognized however. There are artists of all sorts who see the corruption just below the surface and use zombie fiction to display modern society's faults clearly. As a symbol of superficial human attributes, George Romero used zombies to make a statement with Dawn of the Dead which suggested that mall goers were already zombies and with the entire Dead series that indifference, materialism, sexism, and racism are far more dangerous and abhorrent than undead monsters who want to eat your flesh. Main character Peter (Ken Foree) says in Dawn when asked what the zombies are,"They're us that's all, there's no more room in hell." Shaun of the Dead does similar work while also depicting everyday life and the people around us as so like zombies that were they to actually become undead monsters, it may take us some time to even notice. Another film, 28 Days Later, while also taking pains to exhibit the danger of human nature over that of zombies, includes one particularly interesting shot when the two main characters are trying to reach flashing lights on an apartment complex. When they approach, the hall leading to the stairs is filled with shopping carts which act as a barricade. The two main characters climb over it, but a man who is being chased and runs up after them isn't quite as lucky. This can easily be interpreted as a statement about consumerist culture as a barricade from awareness and ultimately security. Fido, yet another zombie film, comments on the concept of security as well. In this movie's society, zombies have been domesticated and made into status symbols by a corporation which controls every aspect of the small town it's set in. Basically, "Zomcon" has used the zombie threat as a way to control a population-- telling its people that without its help they would cease to exist, instilling fear to gain control. This is strikingly similar to the US government and large corporations' holds on American citizens. Author Colson Whitehead with his novel Zone One, set a significant amount of time post zombie apocalypse, makes several references to pre apocalypse humans as zombies while also showing his readers that too much trust in government will get you killed. He creates types of zombies called "stragglers" who are reminiscent of Romero's mall walking zombies. Stragglers linger in familiar settings, the bulk of them mindlessly haunting former work places much as they did when alive (52). The main character, Mike Spitz, even compares interpersonal relationships to zombie-like actions saying,"We never see other people anyway, only the monsters we make of them (214)." Among these comments on human thoughts and actions, Whitehead also speaks to American society as a whole. In a conversation about why the zombie apocalypse happened in the first place, a character called the Lieutenant states,"It picks us out of our robotic routine, what they called my dad before they pulled the plug: persistent vegetative state. Comeuppance for a flatlined culture (217)." World War Z is of course another literary work which addresses the state of human society. In this piece however, eventually human beings survive, but only because they unite for a common good. Brooks seems to be asking though, if humans are really worth all the devastation they cause everywhere they exist. He visits the thought that humanity is the flesh eating monster and challenges readers to prove otherwise.
Though most entertainment media sources depict zombies as the foul, rotting undead impossibly walking around and reeking havoc on society; credit card companies, big pharma, Halliburton, and Exxon (just to name a few) are well aware that this is not the case. They know, that with their business practices, with mind numbing reality TV, with innumerable forms of technology making real human contact unnecessary, and with advertising literally everywhere a person exists, they produce automatons-- people who don't think for themselves but are vulnerable to sneaky suggestion. In our capitalist society where free enterprise is taken advantage of to the highest extreme they, with the help of the government, create a form of zombie out of living human beings. The American government (as well as world government) has been purchased by corporations. People who hold, have held, or will hold government offices have and are receiving money from and funding wars around the world, accepting bribes from multi million dollar Health Maintenance Organizations (HMOs), allowing major credit card companies to influence public policy making, and telling the news broadcasters what to tell us to keep us frightened yet docile. Direct results of this deplorable behavior are huge populations of people believing that the whole of the September eleventh attacks were perpetrated by foreign "terrorists", accepting the "official" report stating that the solid steel reinforced Twin Towers "collapsed due to fire", not questioning the fact that thousands of low income and African American voters were disenfranchised during the 2000 presidential elections, allowing their government to spend their tax money on professional sports stadiums rather than on keeping Post Offices open or on funding Public Schools, and consuming the over processed poison grocery store stocks labeled as food. Surely live, conscious human beings couldn't witness the desperation evident throughout society without knowing something is dreadfully awry. Surely a man being trampled and killed in a swarm of black Friday, Wal-Mart, shopping-hysterical, robots would be a mighty clear indication that our society is fundamentally ill. But they aren't conscious, and although buried somewhere deep they're probably aware things are bad, they don't notice all that much because… they're zombies. Hypnotized by technology, poisoned by greed, killed with the illusion of choice, buried in debt, and reanimated as the average American consumer existing in a cultureless society built to crumble.
Capitalism is not a totalitarian or tyrannical form of domination. It primarily spreads its effects through indifference (that can be compared to the zombie’s essential lack of protagonism). It is not what capital does, but what it doesn’t do or have: it does not have a concept of society; it does not counteract the depletion of nature; it has no concept of citizenship or culture; and so on. Thus it is a slave morality that makes us cling to capital as though it were our salvation—capitalism is, in fact, what we bring to it.
-Zombies of Immaterial Labor: The Modern Monster and the Death of Death
Lars Bang Larson
Works Cited
28 Days Later. Dir. Danny Boyle. Perf. Cillian Murphy, Naomie Harris, Chris Eccleston. 20th Century Fox, 2002. DVD.
American Journal of Public Health. "Health insurance and mortality in US adults."
2009 Dec;99(12):2289-95. Epub 2009 Sep 17.
Bang Larson, Lars. "Zombies of Immaterial Labor: The Modern Monster and the Death of Death." E-flux. E-flux, Apr. 2010. Web. 12 June 2012. <http://www.e-flux.com/journal/zombies-of-immaterial-labor-the-modern-monster-and-the-death-of-death/>.
CBS News. "Mission Accomplished," 5 Years Later." CBSNews. CBS Interactive, 11 Feb. 2009. Web. 14 June 2012.
<http:// www.cbsnews.com/2100-500257_162-4060963.html>.
The Center for Responsive Politics. "Top Contributors." To George W. Bush. The Center for Responsive Politics, n.d. Web. 13 June 2012. <http://www.opensecrets.org/pres04/contrib.php?cid=N00008072>.
Consumer Affairs. "Senate Passes MBNA's Bankruptcy Bill." Senate Passes MBNA's Bankruptcy Bill. Consumer Affairs, 11 Mar. 2005. Web. 13 June 2012. <http://www.consumeraffairs.com/news04/2005/bankruptcy_bill2.html>.
DeCarlo, Scott. "The World's Biggest Public Companies." Forbes. Forbes Magazine, 18 Apr. 2012. Web. 11 June 2012. <http:// www.forbes.com/global2000/>.
Corporatewatch. "Exxon Mobil & Esso UK." Exxon Mobil : Corporate Crimes. Corporatewatch.org, n.d. Web. 11 June 2012. <http:// www.corporatewatch.org/?lid=295>.
Dawn of the Dead. Dir. George Romero. By George Romero. Perf. David Emge, Ken Foree, Scott H. Reiniger. United Film Distribution Company (UFDC), 1978. DVD.
Day of the Dead. Dir. George Romero. By George Romero. Perf. Lori Cardille, Terry Alexander, Joseph Pilato. United Film Distribution Company (UFDC), 1985. DVD.
Fido. Dir. Andrew Currie. By Robert Chomiak, Andrew Currie, and Dennis Heaton. Perf. Kesun Loder, Billy Connolly, Carrie- Anne Moss. Lions Gate Films, 2006. DVD.
GAO Report, http://www.gao.gov/archive/2000/ns00225.pdf, September 2002
Greeenpeace. "ExxonSecrets Factsheet: Cato Institute." ExxonSecrets Factsheet: Cato Institute. Greenpeace, Apr. 2004. Web. 11 June 2012. <http://www.exxonsecrets.org/html/orgfactsheet.php?id=21>.
"H.R. 1 (108th): Medicare Prescription Drug, Improvement, and Modernization Act of 2003." Medicare Prescription Drug, Improvement, and Modernization Act of 2003 (2003; 108th Congress H.R. 1). N.p., 2003. Web. 13 June 2012. <http:// www.govtrack.us/congress/bills/108/hr1>.
Koudsi, Suzanne, "Sleazy Credit," Fortune, March 4, 2002, pp. 143-44, 146-47.
Maxed Out: Hard Times, Easy Credit and the Era of Predatory Lenders Poster SEE RANK Maxed Out: Hard Times, Easy Credit and the Era of Predatory Lenders. Dir. James D. Scurlock. Trueworks, 2006. DVD.
Morgan, David. "One in Four Americans without Health Coverage: Study." Reuters. Thomson Reuters, 19 Apr. 2012. Web. 13 June 2012. <http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/04/19/us-usa-healthcare-insurance-idUSBRE83I17420120419>.
Newsweek, Halliburton CEO Says Cheney Knew About Firm's Accounting Practices, July 15, 2002
Night of the Living Dead. Dir. George A. Romero. By George A. Romero, George A. Romero, and John Russo. Perf. Duane Jones, Judith O'Dea, Marilyn Eastman, and Karl Hardman. Continental Distributing, Inc., 1968. DVD.
Pratap Chatterjee, Dick Cheney: Soldier of Fortune, www.corpwatch.org, May 2, 2002
Shaun of the Dead. Dir. Edgar Wright. By Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright. Perf. Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Kate Ashfield. Universal Pictures, 2004. DVD.
Sicko. Dir. Michael Moore. Prod. Michael Moore and Meghan O'Hara. By Michael Moore. The Weinstein Company, 2007. DVD.
Stop the Exxon Mobile Alliance. "West By Northwest.org: Looking at Corporate Power: The Case Against ExxonMobil." West By Northwest.org: Looking at Corporate Power: The Case Against ExxonMobil. West By Northwest, 7 Sept. 2002. Web. 11 June 2012. <http://westbynorthwest.org/artman/publish/article_50.shtml>.
Turnipseed, Tom. "Dick Cheney: War Profiteer." Dick Cheney: War Profiteer. Common Dreams, 17 Nov. 2005. Web. 11 June 2012. <http://www.commondreams.org/views05/1117-22.htm>.
U.S. News Staff. "Poll: 70 Percent of American Consumers in Debt." US News. U.S.News & World Report, 21 July 2009. Web. 13 June 2012. <http://www.usnews.com/opinion/articles/2009/07/21/poll-70-percent-of-american-consumers-in-debt>.
Whitehead, Colson. Zone One: A Novel. New York: Doubleday, 2011. Print.
The Revisionists; Evolution Ain't Gots No Proofs!
I've always known that Texas has been leading the country in regards to public school textbook regulation and printing, why, I absolutely do not know. I just watched a PBS documentary called The Revisionists, and although I've heard the totally bonkers things Young Earth Creationists say in the past (see Sarah Palin), it's shocking that these people are allowed to be in charge of what children throughout the entire nation will be learning in school. We can only hope that their teachers are intelligent enough to teach actual science, history, and the rest rather than tell students what some Christian, Creationist, dentist from Texas believes they should be teaching.
Don McLeroy, although seeming to be a very kind and gentle soul, has absolutely no concept of reality. In a speech at a Tea Party rally, he said in reference to professors and colleges,"…these so-called experts have taken over our national government. Well I disagree with those experts. Somebody's gotta stand up to experts." Sigh. They are called experts because they have spent decades, tens of thousands of dollars, and devoted their lives to knowing as much as there is to know about a subject. How can you disagree with the experts when you haven't done the same? How can you disagree when you haven't allocated even an iota of your education to the narrow fields of study scientific experts have? That certainly doesn't keep Mr. McLeroy from claiming to be an expert himself however. The film included him talking to a group of children about Noah's Ark, "It is an absolute fact that there was plenty of room to fit two of each critter on the ark." Absolute fact? No person on the planet can say that even if they were an expert in Biblical Studies, which McLeroy is not. Could he name every creature on the earth in whatever year the flood supposedly happened? Does the bible name them all? No and no, because no person alive now nor any person who has ever been alive could do so.
In the same speech for a Tea Party rally mentioned above, McLeroy talks about how the US is the world's "last best hope." Hope for what, is unclear to me but he and the other conservatives on the Texas State Board of Education gave the very distinct and purposeful impression that their proposed agendas for the textbooks will be the thing to somehow redeem the US and the rest of the world. That their regulations will promote what they deem as intelligence. But if a person looks at where the US stands in relation to the rest of the word regarding intelligence (fourth, under Canada, Israel, and Japan) considering our abundance of resources and our extravagant and outrageous use of them (US population is 5% of the world but we consume 25% of the world's resources), we are quite behind intellectually. With everything we've had for so long, we should be leading in every field, but because of people like Don McLeroy our children aren't even allowed to accept evolution as a documented and scientific fact. (Of course technically it's a theory, but things exist such as the fossil record, homologies, and specific examples like the finches on the Gallapagos whose beaks evolved in different ways to be able to consume different foods, which leave no shadow of doubt.) Not only are they not allowed to accept that, but also are forced to "learn" from books which were written under guidelines implemented by a politicized board of persons who pray at each of their meetings. What place does God have in education and why are elected officials allowed to irrefutably include church in state? What place do people who exhibit obvious smugness, arrogance, and inflation when their biased and unfounded regulations pass, have in determining what our kids should learn? How can these people determine what should be included or excluded when they don't understand the basic fundamentals of the concepts themselves? Especially people who, considering their extremist beliefs, say things like,"The amount of power I have, at times, boggles my mind." What boggles my mind is why the rest of the states in the country are allowing their students to use the books regulated by these people? Because it's just easier? That's the part that really makes no sense to me. Why have states, especially those which are supposed to be the most intelligent in the country such as Vermont, Massachusetts, and Connecticut, allowed for a state such as Texas (ranked 25th in intelligence) to manage their children's learning?
The Texas State Board of Education, which McLeroy is a member of, has consistently voted down any proposal to remove the phrase "strengths and weaknesses," from science text books' coverage of evolution. It was mentioned that this phrase, specifically, confuses teachers because they are forced to invent "strengths and weaknesses" within a scientific theory which isn't how science works. Teachers are trained to teach science not convolute their lessons to include terminology which is unrelated. When it was proposed that this terminology be removed, the board challenged those who requested its removal to prove that evolution existed and explain the origins of life on earth. Of course they know that no one can answer this question!
Toward the end of the documentary they spoke to an Anthropologist who had been consulted throughout. He eloquently put it this way,"The evolutionary science in which I participate never asks the question of the origin of life mainly because we simply don't know. Trying to give the answer is like trying to write a fairy tale." Such as the Bible perhaps?
Don McLeroy, although seeming to be a very kind and gentle soul, has absolutely no concept of reality. In a speech at a Tea Party rally, he said in reference to professors and colleges,"…these so-called experts have taken over our national government. Well I disagree with those experts. Somebody's gotta stand up to experts." Sigh. They are called experts because they have spent decades, tens of thousands of dollars, and devoted their lives to knowing as much as there is to know about a subject. How can you disagree with the experts when you haven't done the same? How can you disagree when you haven't allocated even an iota of your education to the narrow fields of study scientific experts have? That certainly doesn't keep Mr. McLeroy from claiming to be an expert himself however. The film included him talking to a group of children about Noah's Ark, "It is an absolute fact that there was plenty of room to fit two of each critter on the ark." Absolute fact? No person on the planet can say that even if they were an expert in Biblical Studies, which McLeroy is not. Could he name every creature on the earth in whatever year the flood supposedly happened? Does the bible name them all? No and no, because no person alive now nor any person who has ever been alive could do so.
In the same speech for a Tea Party rally mentioned above, McLeroy talks about how the US is the world's "last best hope." Hope for what, is unclear to me but he and the other conservatives on the Texas State Board of Education gave the very distinct and purposeful impression that their proposed agendas for the textbooks will be the thing to somehow redeem the US and the rest of the world. That their regulations will promote what they deem as intelligence. But if a person looks at where the US stands in relation to the rest of the word regarding intelligence (fourth, under Canada, Israel, and Japan) considering our abundance of resources and our extravagant and outrageous use of them (US population is 5% of the world but we consume 25% of the world's resources), we are quite behind intellectually. With everything we've had for so long, we should be leading in every field, but because of people like Don McLeroy our children aren't even allowed to accept evolution as a documented and scientific fact. (Of course technically it's a theory, but things exist such as the fossil record, homologies, and specific examples like the finches on the Gallapagos whose beaks evolved in different ways to be able to consume different foods, which leave no shadow of doubt.) Not only are they not allowed to accept that, but also are forced to "learn" from books which were written under guidelines implemented by a politicized board of persons who pray at each of their meetings. What place does God have in education and why are elected officials allowed to irrefutably include church in state? What place do people who exhibit obvious smugness, arrogance, and inflation when their biased and unfounded regulations pass, have in determining what our kids should learn? How can these people determine what should be included or excluded when they don't understand the basic fundamentals of the concepts themselves? Especially people who, considering their extremist beliefs, say things like,"The amount of power I have, at times, boggles my mind." What boggles my mind is why the rest of the states in the country are allowing their students to use the books regulated by these people? Because it's just easier? That's the part that really makes no sense to me. Why have states, especially those which are supposed to be the most intelligent in the country such as Vermont, Massachusetts, and Connecticut, allowed for a state such as Texas (ranked 25th in intelligence) to manage their children's learning?
The Texas State Board of Education, which McLeroy is a member of, has consistently voted down any proposal to remove the phrase "strengths and weaknesses," from science text books' coverage of evolution. It was mentioned that this phrase, specifically, confuses teachers because they are forced to invent "strengths and weaknesses" within a scientific theory which isn't how science works. Teachers are trained to teach science not convolute their lessons to include terminology which is unrelated. When it was proposed that this terminology be removed, the board challenged those who requested its removal to prove that evolution existed and explain the origins of life on earth. Of course they know that no one can answer this question!
Toward the end of the documentary they spoke to an Anthropologist who had been consulted throughout. He eloquently put it this way,"The evolutionary science in which I participate never asks the question of the origin of life mainly because we simply don't know. Trying to give the answer is like trying to write a fairy tale." Such as the Bible perhaps?
Just Dance to the Racism
The only game
system I've ever owned was a Nintendo, so I've played games on other people's stuff over the years but around Christmas year before last my friend
Ryan let me borrow his Wii ("indefinitely") and bought me Just Dance 3.
And it's fucking awesome! They do repeat a lot of moves on different
songs, but I suppose it has to be easy enough for people to actually be
able to do it. I literally play about 45 minutes worth of songs every day
for my workout and it's like not even working out. Often enough I'll
end up playing it for an hour or more without even realizing it. My
point is, I love this game.
The other day though I was working on one of the goals to earn a medal, or whatever they're called, which will give me bonus shit or songs or something. One of those goals is getting one star on every song on the game, so I was playing/dancing to songs I wouldn't otherwise try like that horrible crap band Laugh My Fucking Ass Off which I just really don't understand the appeal of. One of those was Apache by Sugarhill Gang. I was astounded! When it started I thought, of course some ignorant pop-culture game designer would see the Apache song title and put a headdress on the avatar dude...but then I realized I had never heard the song in its entirety and the lyrics had my jaw dropping as I shuffled my body around to the moves.
I have many points of contention here, but let's start with the most glaringly obvious shall we? Apache, is not actually even a tribe or group of Native people, but rather a Zuñi word for Navaho people which means 'enemy' and was assigned to a group of Native Americans by the Spaniards who came through bringing with them Christianity and genocide. There's that, which is something that should be obvious to people, but alas is not. What's really ridiculous though is the depiction of a traditionally Lakota Sioux war-bonnet headdress the designers put on the avatar. Obviously this was a well thought out tribute by the game designers because the song so clearly represents the Lakota people's heritage, culture, and language. My god, ignorance abounds!
So the lyrics start with,"Tonto, jump on it, Kemosabi, jump on it," which in and of itself is some racist shit. Mostly because the portrayal of Native Americans in The Lone Ranger is so absolutely awful and wrong. What better character for Johnny Depp to revive by the way than the cowboy sidekick Tonto (Spanish for "moron" or "fool") who is too dumb to realize that the dude he's hanging with who he calls his kemosabi (meaning "friend" in the show) is part of the mass murder of his people and culture. Great job casting a white guy in a Native role Hollywood...again. Although that may have been intentional because the original Lone Ranger was a white guy, old habits do die hard and apparently racist ass TV shows die even harder. Back to "kemosabi" for a sec, technically that's fucked too because, Kemosabi is from the Algonquin language, similar to the Ojibwe word "giimoozaabi" which means "he peeks." And then the song goes on to mention "chiefs", "Custer", "horses" (which are also something that only one or two tribes of the country used), "firing squads", "maize", "moccasins", "tee-pees" (also a historically Lakota Sioux structure), "smoke signals", "medicine men", and yes..."squaws". That line actually says,"Had a little talk with my medicine man he said, "Get them squaws, fast as you can."" I'm assuming the rapper is trying to say that he wants to hook up with Native women (...?), considering that's what the word actually means in the Algonquin language, but "squaw" has been a derogatory term for Native people since the 19th century for Christ's sake. And that song was released in the '80s!
It sucks that some dumb ass, washed up band mashed a bunch of stereotypes and miscellaneous tribe's cultures together, made it all rhyme, and attempted to make money off of it. I mean, I have a sense of humor, but when the systematic oppression of an entire population of people and the destruction done to their cultures is something that's still happening...it's not fucking funny dude! And bad form Just Dance 3, for dredging that shit back up from the hole of the '80s and putting it in your game. How many other millions of songs are there to choose from!? It's infuriating. I'm sick to death of Native people being ignored, misunderstood, and pigeonholed.
The other day though I was working on one of the goals to earn a medal, or whatever they're called, which will give me bonus shit or songs or something. One of those goals is getting one star on every song on the game, so I was playing/dancing to songs I wouldn't otherwise try like that horrible crap band Laugh My Fucking Ass Off which I just really don't understand the appeal of. One of those was Apache by Sugarhill Gang. I was astounded! When it started I thought, of course some ignorant pop-culture game designer would see the Apache song title and put a headdress on the avatar dude...but then I realized I had never heard the song in its entirety and the lyrics had my jaw dropping as I shuffled my body around to the moves.
I have many points of contention here, but let's start with the most glaringly obvious shall we? Apache, is not actually even a tribe or group of Native people, but rather a Zuñi word for Navaho people which means 'enemy' and was assigned to a group of Native Americans by the Spaniards who came through bringing with them Christianity and genocide. There's that, which is something that should be obvious to people, but alas is not. What's really ridiculous though is the depiction of a traditionally Lakota Sioux war-bonnet headdress the designers put on the avatar. Obviously this was a well thought out tribute by the game designers because the song so clearly represents the Lakota people's heritage, culture, and language. My god, ignorance abounds!
So the lyrics start with,"Tonto, jump on it, Kemosabi, jump on it," which in and of itself is some racist shit. Mostly because the portrayal of Native Americans in The Lone Ranger is so absolutely awful and wrong. What better character for Johnny Depp to revive by the way than the cowboy sidekick Tonto (Spanish for "moron" or "fool") who is too dumb to realize that the dude he's hanging with who he calls his kemosabi (meaning "friend" in the show) is part of the mass murder of his people and culture. Great job casting a white guy in a Native role Hollywood...again. Although that may have been intentional because the original Lone Ranger was a white guy, old habits do die hard and apparently racist ass TV shows die even harder. Back to "kemosabi" for a sec, technically that's fucked too because, Kemosabi is from the Algonquin language, similar to the Ojibwe word "giimoozaabi" which means "he peeks." And then the song goes on to mention "chiefs", "Custer", "horses" (which are also something that only one or two tribes of the country used), "firing squads", "maize", "moccasins", "tee-pees" (also a historically Lakota Sioux structure), "smoke signals", "medicine men", and yes..."squaws". That line actually says,"Had a little talk with my medicine man he said, "Get them squaws, fast as you can."" I'm assuming the rapper is trying to say that he wants to hook up with Native women (...?), considering that's what the word actually means in the Algonquin language, but "squaw" has been a derogatory term for Native people since the 19th century for Christ's sake. And that song was released in the '80s!
It sucks that some dumb ass, washed up band mashed a bunch of stereotypes and miscellaneous tribe's cultures together, made it all rhyme, and attempted to make money off of it. I mean, I have a sense of humor, but when the systematic oppression of an entire population of people and the destruction done to their cultures is something that's still happening...it's not fucking funny dude! And bad form Just Dance 3, for dredging that shit back up from the hole of the '80s and putting it in your game. How many other millions of songs are there to choose from!? It's infuriating. I'm sick to death of Native people being ignored, misunderstood, and pigeonholed.
Saturday, March 23, 2013
Holy Pile of Shit Oz!
It confounded me when I saw the trailer for Oz The Great and Powerful, how James Franco was going to pull
off this very Johnny Depp looking role-- just didn't seem like his
thing. But I went to the damn movie anyway knowing it wasn't going to be the best thing ever and being okay with that. But I had no fucking idea what a pile of absolute shit it would end up being! Over two hours of absolute shit even. Nobody seemed to have put any imagination into it, there was no real storyline, none of the characters were believable, and the CGI was early 2000s quality. It wasn't even pretty. James Franco clearly hated the role and, it seemed, didn't give a dick whether or not he could pull it off (he couldn't). And the two witch sisters, one of whom must have grown up on the British side of Oz (that doesn't make any sense), didn't seem to be all that into it either. Whoever wrote this crap even stole some Sleeping Beauty stuff; using the apple full of poison witch trick.
Then there's the end where "Wanda" (what a funny, funny, joke!) the good witch says to the evil British witch,"In the name of my father I hereby banish you from the land of Oz never to return!" If she could fucking do that, why did any of this steaming pile of movie have to happen at all? Why did desperate, once cutesy, Zach Braff have to be a flying bellhop monkey sidekick? Why was there just one lone lion hanging out threatening to eat him in a land made up of bullshit imaginary characters? And why was the fucking monkey a bellhop!? Flying monkeys were the wicked witch of the West's minions, not fucking baboons. Yeah, baboons are scarier, but they weren't baboons and since this awful movie was clearly set up as a prequel, it really makes no sense. But what am I saying? None of it made sense. It was like a bunch of easily recognizable and reasonably famous actors got together and decided to mock Tim Burton and Johnny Depp, only that wasn't the plan at all and they just created this terrible two hours of bad CGI to show everyone that they could be shitty actors if they really wanted to. Or maybe they all got really excited about it and 1/4 of the way through filming went,"Oh fuck, this is going to be awful," and just stopped trying. Sam Raimi...you have made such wonderful things in your past, and man was there potential. He must just be thinking,"I've made a huge mistake," along with everyone else involved. But then as my good friend Ryan says,"The saddest part is that it's gonna make fuck loads of money," so probably not.
Speaking of Arrested Development, it's finally happening! Please, please, please don't destroy one of the best television shows ever written.
Then there's the end where "Wanda" (what a funny, funny, joke!) the good witch says to the evil British witch,"In the name of my father I hereby banish you from the land of Oz never to return!" If she could fucking do that, why did any of this steaming pile of movie have to happen at all? Why did desperate, once cutesy, Zach Braff have to be a flying bellhop monkey sidekick? Why was there just one lone lion hanging out threatening to eat him in a land made up of bullshit imaginary characters? And why was the fucking monkey a bellhop!? Flying monkeys were the wicked witch of the West's minions, not fucking baboons. Yeah, baboons are scarier, but they weren't baboons and since this awful movie was clearly set up as a prequel, it really makes no sense. But what am I saying? None of it made sense. It was like a bunch of easily recognizable and reasonably famous actors got together and decided to mock Tim Burton and Johnny Depp, only that wasn't the plan at all and they just created this terrible two hours of bad CGI to show everyone that they could be shitty actors if they really wanted to. Or maybe they all got really excited about it and 1/4 of the way through filming went,"Oh fuck, this is going to be awful," and just stopped trying. Sam Raimi...you have made such wonderful things in your past, and man was there potential. He must just be thinking,"I've made a huge mistake," along with everyone else involved. But then as my good friend Ryan says,"The saddest part is that it's gonna make fuck loads of money," so probably not.
Speaking of Arrested Development, it's finally happening! Please, please, please don't destroy one of the best television shows ever written.
Thursday, January 31, 2013
The Hobbbit; An Unexpected Journey...of disappointment!
When I was a kid, Tolkein wasn't just some writer and The Hobbit wasn't just some book. It was one of the few things my father and I could talk about without our mutual awkwardness dominating and forcing one of us to retreat.
I borrowed the cartoon from the library at least once a month and when my dad was teaching me to draw, the goblins were one of the things he really wanted me to try. He loved how they looked and he loved my version of them. We watched it hundreds of times, sang the songs, and when I was able to, he gave me his childhood copy of the book and I read it, several times. I also read the trilogy, but The Hobbit was my favorite and still is so I was beyond excited when I heard they were making them all into movies. I loved all of The Lord of the Rings ones and kept waiting and waiting for them to make The Hobbit movie. Finally they released a date for when it would be in theaters and I decided I'd read the book again before the movie. It was as good as I remembered and I got even more excited to see it in live action on a giant screen. Hearing they were going to somehow stretch the book into three full length movies was disappointing, but then I thought hmm, maybe they're going to include every single aspect of it. (Which would be fucking awesome.) They'd have to if they were going to have enough for three movies. I was counting down the days and then I saw The Onion's A.V. Club review... shit. They are usually pretty damn accurate and they gave it a B-, while also tearing it a new asshole, so I started getting a little nervous. Surely Hollywood wouldn't butcher another childhood favorite as they did with the computer animated Lorax, Transformers, Super Mario Brothers, and the numerous Tim Burton train wrecks like Alice in Wonderland and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Then I saw the fucking thing...and of course they twisted it into almost complete garbage.
If it wasn't enough that they ripped it apart and made three movies out of it, they also added a bunch of bullshit that has nothing to do with the book instead of including all the little details that make it so enjoyable. First, there's some ridiculous overarching storyline that is not only nonexistent in the book, but also makes Thorin into some courageous hero rather than who he actually was, a greedy, proud, hard-headed dwarf with a thirst for riches and reverence. Because of that storyline, there are far too many orcs included, when there are none at all in the book. They didn't show up until the trilogy because that was when the darkness they came from began to emerge more thoroughly. The Hobbit is an allusion, an introduction to the trilogy and by including orcs in the movie to this extent, they have systematically destroyed what ends up being the entire purpose of the book. Not only that, but when the goblins show up, even I was confused as to what they were. They look so much like the orcs that they're almost indistinguishable. The goblin king was pretty disgusting and pretty cool, but where the hell were his enormous teeth? And their discussion with him about the swords… they didn't even say their names! "Glamdring the Fohammer, nooooo!" Granted that was the corny cartoon's rendering, but it was so much better than not including them at all. Speaking of not including things, the songs for christsakes. Most definitely my favorite parts of the cartoon version, and along with his map drawings, one of the things Tolkein seemed to really devote a lot of extra time and care to. And what, we get half of one verse of two of them but they can include some wizard, Ratagast, who has no part in the book and his fucking rabbits? Granted, he was a pretty cool character, but god damn it! Don't sacrifice what's actually in the book for shit that isn't! And what the fuck was with Frodo hanging around in the beginning chatting with Bilbo and such. No, no, no! Also not part of the book. But the thing that really killed me and had me throwing my hands up in the theater was the scene just before the Eagles come and pluck them off the burning tree. One, the fucking goblins were riding wolves and chasing them, not the orcs. Two, when they got there they sang an awesome song about fifteen funny little birds with no wings. Three, Thorin did not have some intense, dramatic, history filled showdown with the head orc/goblin/what-the-fuck-ever. Four, if he had, Bilbo most certainly would not have thrown himself into the mix in some heroic effort. Five, Gandalf did not talk to a moth and ask him to go get the eagles to come save them. Six, the tree was not precariously leaning over a cliff. I could continue, but at the risk of being nitpicky (as if that hasn't already happened) I won't.
Basically, they sacrificed the really great details (the songs, dialog, specifics) to make an attempt at tying it together with the trilogy movies and creating three epic masterpieces that rake in the revenue. Of course I'm going to go see the other two, and I'm sure will be writing two more blogs with very similar content, but still, I just wish they would have for once let the whole making millions of dollars thing go and made a quality movie actually using the book as a rather literal screenplay. I'm disappointed. Also, screw you Hollywood.
I borrowed the cartoon from the library at least once a month and when my dad was teaching me to draw, the goblins were one of the things he really wanted me to try. He loved how they looked and he loved my version of them. We watched it hundreds of times, sang the songs, and when I was able to, he gave me his childhood copy of the book and I read it, several times. I also read the trilogy, but The Hobbit was my favorite and still is so I was beyond excited when I heard they were making them all into movies. I loved all of The Lord of the Rings ones and kept waiting and waiting for them to make The Hobbit movie. Finally they released a date for when it would be in theaters and I decided I'd read the book again before the movie. It was as good as I remembered and I got even more excited to see it in live action on a giant screen. Hearing they were going to somehow stretch the book into three full length movies was disappointing, but then I thought hmm, maybe they're going to include every single aspect of it. (Which would be fucking awesome.) They'd have to if they were going to have enough for three movies. I was counting down the days and then I saw The Onion's A.V. Club review... shit. They are usually pretty damn accurate and they gave it a B-, while also tearing it a new asshole, so I started getting a little nervous. Surely Hollywood wouldn't butcher another childhood favorite as they did with the computer animated Lorax, Transformers, Super Mario Brothers, and the numerous Tim Burton train wrecks like Alice in Wonderland and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Then I saw the fucking thing...and of course they twisted it into almost complete garbage.
If it wasn't enough that they ripped it apart and made three movies out of it, they also added a bunch of bullshit that has nothing to do with the book instead of including all the little details that make it so enjoyable. First, there's some ridiculous overarching storyline that is not only nonexistent in the book, but also makes Thorin into some courageous hero rather than who he actually was, a greedy, proud, hard-headed dwarf with a thirst for riches and reverence. Because of that storyline, there are far too many orcs included, when there are none at all in the book. They didn't show up until the trilogy because that was when the darkness they came from began to emerge more thoroughly. The Hobbit is an allusion, an introduction to the trilogy and by including orcs in the movie to this extent, they have systematically destroyed what ends up being the entire purpose of the book. Not only that, but when the goblins show up, even I was confused as to what they were. They look so much like the orcs that they're almost indistinguishable. The goblin king was pretty disgusting and pretty cool, but where the hell were his enormous teeth? And their discussion with him about the swords… they didn't even say their names! "Glamdring the Fohammer, nooooo!" Granted that was the corny cartoon's rendering, but it was so much better than not including them at all. Speaking of not including things, the songs for christsakes. Most definitely my favorite parts of the cartoon version, and along with his map drawings, one of the things Tolkein seemed to really devote a lot of extra time and care to. And what, we get half of one verse of two of them but they can include some wizard, Ratagast, who has no part in the book and his fucking rabbits? Granted, he was a pretty cool character, but god damn it! Don't sacrifice what's actually in the book for shit that isn't! And what the fuck was with Frodo hanging around in the beginning chatting with Bilbo and such. No, no, no! Also not part of the book. But the thing that really killed me and had me throwing my hands up in the theater was the scene just before the Eagles come and pluck them off the burning tree. One, the fucking goblins were riding wolves and chasing them, not the orcs. Two, when they got there they sang an awesome song about fifteen funny little birds with no wings. Three, Thorin did not have some intense, dramatic, history filled showdown with the head orc/goblin/what-the-fuck-ever. Four, if he had, Bilbo most certainly would not have thrown himself into the mix in some heroic effort. Five, Gandalf did not talk to a moth and ask him to go get the eagles to come save them. Six, the tree was not precariously leaning over a cliff. I could continue, but at the risk of being nitpicky (as if that hasn't already happened) I won't.
Basically, they sacrificed the really great details (the songs, dialog, specifics) to make an attempt at tying it together with the trilogy movies and creating three epic masterpieces that rake in the revenue. Of course I'm going to go see the other two, and I'm sure will be writing two more blogs with very similar content, but still, I just wish they would have for once let the whole making millions of dollars thing go and made a quality movie actually using the book as a rather literal screenplay. I'm disappointed. Also, screw you Hollywood.
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Sidetracking
So, little known to most people, with Carbon Monoxide poisoning comes a myriad of health issues if a person doesn't die from it...which I clearly did not. These include the following:
I mention this because I've been needing to write lately but have had the hardest time getting anything out. Even this is difficult to be honest. And, maybe because I'm so used to having some kind of audience for my writing-- be it friends, professors, or blog readers, I can't seem to force myself to write anything just for me. I think constantly about what someone else will think when they read it later...even when it's in a journal. That's so silly and I know it is but I can't stop the thoughts. I won't pretend though that I've even attempted writing anything in a journal the past nine months. The thought actually terrifies me a bit. I got into the habit when I was younger of writing almost only when I was upset about something, in my journal I mean, so I have twenty books filled with angsty ranting and the tortured thoughts of someone who felt such extreme emotions without having really experienced something to warrant them. (Ooh would my therapist ever frown on that statement!) To clarify! My childhood was a little rough when it came to other kids because I was smarter than them and had unknowingly learned from my father and implemented in my life the wrong ways to interact with peers. It was difficult for me to relate to anyone and when I did they always ended up disappointing me. Of course some of that had to do with them, and some with my unmeetably high expectations when it came to their common sense and concepts of right and wrong. But now, something really fucking horrific and tragic happened and I can't bring myself to crack a journal and write about it. I remember when I was younger being so miserable and feeling like I had no reason to be. Wishing in a fleeting, day dreamy way that something terrible would happen so those feelings would have some reason for existing while also being terrified something awful would actually happen just because I put that energy into the world by thinking it. So! Coming back to what this paragraph began explaining... I'm a writer, good or bad, I need to do it. But because I'm used to an audience I feel like I have to write on the internet whether or not someone's actually reading it. And I keep fucking forgetting that I actually have a blog that isn't completely filled with young person angsty stuff that I can write on and not be embarrassed about. And I have to write.
The past couple months I've been this empty thing, seemingly devoid of personality. A shadow of who I was, I have actually found myself asking,"What would I say?" "Would I be upset?" "Would I laugh?" Kind of like living in a dream I suppose. Things matter, but not really. I'm not happy but I'm also not necessarily sad-- just a void it seems. I'm ashamed to admit that I have "watched" eleven seasons of Law and Order SVU, the entire Hoarders series, most of the Intervention series, the entire Grey's Anatomy series, and so so many other reprehensible things, consistently since I moved into this apartment alone. I love my place, but having no roommates and no one to talk to whenever I need to or bump into in the hallway, or share food with leads my brain to thinking about how much I miss the house and my friends, as flawed as they all were. Makes me think about how one of them died, how I almost died, and how the rest of them are irreparably damaged because of it. Leads me to feeling guilty for still being here and for not being able to finish the two semesters I have left of school-- for doing nothing with the miracle of my continued existence but getting fatter and watching bad TV while I play Bubble Shooter or some other pointless endlessly repetitive game that satisfies my need to compartmentalize and organize. Or think about how I haven't had another person's naked skin on my naked skin for almost three years, how abnormal and strange that is and how I wish I could fix it but it seems hopeless and I'll probably be alone forever.
If my brain isn't constantly engaged by something mindless it immediately heads somewhere I can't always handle being like the above, or the hospital, which is even worse. I don't think a person can really comprehend what that's like without experiencing it. Time in a hospital, especially drugged up and confused as fuck, is so remarkably dreadful. Add excruciating pain, discomfort, sorrow, and grief to that, and the recollection of that time can be tortuous. Those specific thoughts attack when it's time to sleep most specifically.
So I stay awake until I can barely walk into my bedroom and I put on whichever Sandra Bullock movie I'm in the mood for that night and I lay in bed waiting for my favorite lines because I know they will always be there and I can fall asleep knowing Harry Connick Jr. will drive her off into the sunset in one of those ugly old Jeeps I've always wanted, she'll dance in Louisiana with Ellen Bernstien, she'll marry the cute cop from down south and they'll live in that big ole New England house and do magic together, she'll save the beauty queens and send Candace Bergen to jail, she'll marry the guy whose brother just got out of a coma and who she's had a crush on for years, or she'll get out of rehab and finally get the damn horse to lift his hoof. Something about that woman gives me comfort I can't explain or express. I've "seen" those movies so many hundreds of times...
And now it's full on daylight, 28 Days is almost over, and my mother has been at work for almost an hour when I haven't been to sleep yet. I love her so much.
- Exhaustion and fatigue
- Reduced muscle coordination and balance (instability when walking)
- Involuntary muscle twitching/jerking
- Tremors and Parkinson like symptoms
- Problems regulating body temperature (particularly hands and/or feet)
- Change in movements/body language
- Reduced bladder control/increased urge to urinate
- Headaches
- Irregular heart beat
- Problems writing (including assembling thoughts/thinking clearly)
- Changes to hand writing
- Sensitivity to light
- Difficulty processing visual information, particularly faster moving images
- Spots in vision and/or blurred vision
- Difficulty hearing
- High pitch noise in ear(s)
- Memory Loss
- New or increased food sensitivities
- New or increased allergies
- New or increased sensitivities to chemicals
- Disrupted, disturbed, or poor sleep
- Sensitivity and/or changes in smell
- Sensitivity and/or changes in taste
- Muscle/joint pain/cramping
- Hair loss / hair thinning
I mention this because I've been needing to write lately but have had the hardest time getting anything out. Even this is difficult to be honest. And, maybe because I'm so used to having some kind of audience for my writing-- be it friends, professors, or blog readers, I can't seem to force myself to write anything just for me. I think constantly about what someone else will think when they read it later...even when it's in a journal. That's so silly and I know it is but I can't stop the thoughts. I won't pretend though that I've even attempted writing anything in a journal the past nine months. The thought actually terrifies me a bit. I got into the habit when I was younger of writing almost only when I was upset about something, in my journal I mean, so I have twenty books filled with angsty ranting and the tortured thoughts of someone who felt such extreme emotions without having really experienced something to warrant them. (Ooh would my therapist ever frown on that statement!) To clarify! My childhood was a little rough when it came to other kids because I was smarter than them and had unknowingly learned from my father and implemented in my life the wrong ways to interact with peers. It was difficult for me to relate to anyone and when I did they always ended up disappointing me. Of course some of that had to do with them, and some with my unmeetably high expectations when it came to their common sense and concepts of right and wrong. But now, something really fucking horrific and tragic happened and I can't bring myself to crack a journal and write about it. I remember when I was younger being so miserable and feeling like I had no reason to be. Wishing in a fleeting, day dreamy way that something terrible would happen so those feelings would have some reason for existing while also being terrified something awful would actually happen just because I put that energy into the world by thinking it. So! Coming back to what this paragraph began explaining... I'm a writer, good or bad, I need to do it. But because I'm used to an audience I feel like I have to write on the internet whether or not someone's actually reading it. And I keep fucking forgetting that I actually have a blog that isn't completely filled with young person angsty stuff that I can write on and not be embarrassed about. And I have to write.
The past couple months I've been this empty thing, seemingly devoid of personality. A shadow of who I was, I have actually found myself asking,"What would I say?" "Would I be upset?" "Would I laugh?" Kind of like living in a dream I suppose. Things matter, but not really. I'm not happy but I'm also not necessarily sad-- just a void it seems. I'm ashamed to admit that I have "watched" eleven seasons of Law and Order SVU, the entire Hoarders series, most of the Intervention series, the entire Grey's Anatomy series, and so so many other reprehensible things, consistently since I moved into this apartment alone. I love my place, but having no roommates and no one to talk to whenever I need to or bump into in the hallway, or share food with leads my brain to thinking about how much I miss the house and my friends, as flawed as they all were. Makes me think about how one of them died, how I almost died, and how the rest of them are irreparably damaged because of it. Leads me to feeling guilty for still being here and for not being able to finish the two semesters I have left of school-- for doing nothing with the miracle of my continued existence but getting fatter and watching bad TV while I play Bubble Shooter or some other pointless endlessly repetitive game that satisfies my need to compartmentalize and organize. Or think about how I haven't had another person's naked skin on my naked skin for almost three years, how abnormal and strange that is and how I wish I could fix it but it seems hopeless and I'll probably be alone forever.
If my brain isn't constantly engaged by something mindless it immediately heads somewhere I can't always handle being like the above, or the hospital, which is even worse. I don't think a person can really comprehend what that's like without experiencing it. Time in a hospital, especially drugged up and confused as fuck, is so remarkably dreadful. Add excruciating pain, discomfort, sorrow, and grief to that, and the recollection of that time can be tortuous. Those specific thoughts attack when it's time to sleep most specifically.
So I stay awake until I can barely walk into my bedroom and I put on whichever Sandra Bullock movie I'm in the mood for that night and I lay in bed waiting for my favorite lines because I know they will always be there and I can fall asleep knowing Harry Connick Jr. will drive her off into the sunset in one of those ugly old Jeeps I've always wanted, she'll dance in Louisiana with Ellen Bernstien, she'll marry the cute cop from down south and they'll live in that big ole New England house and do magic together, she'll save the beauty queens and send Candace Bergen to jail, she'll marry the guy whose brother just got out of a coma and who she's had a crush on for years, or she'll get out of rehab and finally get the damn horse to lift his hoof. Something about that woman gives me comfort I can't explain or express. I've "seen" those movies so many hundreds of times...
And now it's full on daylight, 28 Days is almost over, and my mother has been at work for almost an hour when I haven't been to sleep yet. I love her so much.
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